Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So squirting runs in the family.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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