just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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