I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
