your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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