jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
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you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
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We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.