My Higher Power is John Stamos
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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