I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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