I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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