He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
