I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
