Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
