What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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