hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
