If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
