I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
As shirtless as possible
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
