If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
tell me about the eggs
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
