I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
