I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
