i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
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We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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