This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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