I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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