I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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