he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
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I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
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his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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