Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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