tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
