he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize