I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
