So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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