So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
