Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
