Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
