'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
