We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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