He had one of those small greek statue penises
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
