I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
