I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
