yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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