Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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