hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
