I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
