i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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