I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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