The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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