you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
