i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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