I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
