Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
