Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
