girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
