Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
