the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
