This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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