I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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