Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
