so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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