so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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