it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
