there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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