i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
