Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
