Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm too high and old for this...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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