wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
