He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
