OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
