I wish I could punch you in the face.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
