Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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