my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
