I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
