I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
