I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
