I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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